Today I just realised how much of a plague there is all around us. A very specific type of plague. I call it the Indian plague. Or perhaps it should be the Indo-European plague; debatable.

Anyway, rather than waste time on semantics, let's just get down to the business of grabbing the bull by the horns and really address this.

Yesterday I had encountered the plague three times: once over the phone talking to it, once in the bank trying to reason with it, and once again over the phone, this time opening the gates of blasphemous hell to my enraged soul, and down the phone over to, well, it !

I think it all started when someone, in their wisdom, or shall I say some accounts department entrenched in their financial models, decided to deal with a nation so plagued by it's on miserable system of casts as individuals, who could be stimulated and lead towards a useful cause, namely the Indian lemmings.

Ok, I have probably broken every rule of political correctness, and could easily be accused of racism, but hey, it wouldn't be the first time I've done that, nor do I really care about people labelling me one way or another, so just go ahead and label if you must.

Back to the plague. It answered the phone, as usual sounding too pathetic even for the mediocre script it was reading from. Made a complete disaster of the whole conversation, and at that point I was completely stuck. Jammed. Ceased. Didn't know what to do, so just shouted a little and put the phone down.

Then, I meet it again at the bank. It (she it this time) tells me that it is "sorry for your wait sir, there are only two of us". "As if it's my fault", says I. Hopeless again, so I simply tell it to leave me alone. 1 hour of wait later, and I meet it again !!. This time it thanks me for waiting, and there you have it. Hell breaks loose. This time, I am still ceased, but at least I tell it exactly what's on my mind, and it feels my rage, so just pin-cushions the whole thing .. that's what its are very good at doing.

So .. backtrack a little bit. Somewhere down the line, some higher eshilon its decided that Indians are a good candidate to completely take over our lives, thereby providing command and control to the higher eshilon its, and so shifted the call centres over to Mumbai and Delhi. So much so, that if you have two cows to spare; forgive me .. you can't spare the cows, they spare you. Start again. If it could find some land to sell it sells it, and then it has a couple of very appealing options: either make a so-called Bollywood movie, of which over 600 are made every year, all number 1s, or, which is more appealing these days, open up a call centre.

Perhaps this is a very good time to emphasise the it sort of 'I'. So irritating to the ears, the only option one is sometimes left with is to imitate it out of despise, and then hope the it being spoken to would notice - ironic. Off course it never does, and even if it did, then that would make no difference to a pin-cushion. There is more sensation in the lower artificial limbs of an amoeba than an entire ocean full of pathetic its.

So how did the its turn into this formidable plague ? who set it free ? well I did say it was the its at the higher layers of the echelon tree that somewhere down the line decided that ...etc, but I think there's more to it, and perhaps one day us lesser mortals would come out and confess that the Orwellian "Big Brother" isn't really in the lobbies of government, but really deeply entrenched and fortified into the very fabric of corporations that we soled our souls to. Here's to Orwell, 24 years on from '1984', and here's to hoping.