Christ Post Mortem

'tis a lonely night, like another, and the day breaks.  He wakes up, Jesus of Nazareth, knowing it is his last day, knowing he is to be no more, that he is to depart, that he is to go back home.  "Before the cock crow twice, thou will disown me thrice", and he broke down and wept.  And as sure as anything, the crow crowed twice, and his loyal student denied him thrice.  It has all been in vain, and it is time to go.

'tis a lonely day, all day.  He knew he was to be killed.  He sent them to get all the ingredients for the last supper.  Even the lamb to sacrifice.  It was farewell.  And he had to say it, and he had to fulfil his all too clear, all too tragic and all too controversial destiny.  Though, I would suspect, he had a certain peace and clam deep down inside.  She was always there, that much he knew; she was always there, and there she will always be, true to him, and he true to her despite the odds.

'tis a pleasant evening that night, as they ate, and said their peace, and there he was, the Judos Iscariot , his most devoted student, or so he thought, till that night, and he knew all about it, that night too.

And the sun rose on yet another day, and he was crucified; and that's when it all begun, and she to him as you to I my  one, though I am no Jesus, and you, my love, are as pure as the sun lines and the morning breeze, and a tender, cold winter's day.

And it is you, my one, that called me from the cross, like she did when she wept at his feet that miserable afternoon they left him hung out there.  You gave me life, and for that I am in your debt forever.  You gave me love and for that there is no repaying you.  You gave me my breath back, and with that I shall always be with you, with every breath I take; you are with me in my very being.

Know this: I will always love you, always.  Nothing can change that, nothing ever will or will even come close.  You are my fate, my destiny, all the good in me and none of the bad for that is mine and mine alone to carry and answer for.

What remains, my love, is the day when the secret will be exposed for all to see, of Christ the lover and the man he once was, and of this insignificant being that is I.  One thing unites he and I, across the times: we are both lovers, and our secret shall be found the moment our hearts are cut out open.  Post mortem; and that, my darling, is that.

QED.

Humpty Dumpty

It would be hard for anyone not to know the infamous Humpty Dumpty and of his great fall sitting on a wall.  Even different cultures have this, or a very similar, character by different names.

What brought Humpty Dumpty to my thoughts today was that my two little princesses, the twins, came home from nursery insisting on singing the rhyme over and over and over again and, of course, I'd have to sing it with them.

Then, this struck me: it would seem that I have for a very long long time, been sitting on a wall. An anticipation; a hope; a longing, and visions of the green fields  and the roses and the riches in the King's garden.  Not knowing that all the time, it would seem, the king and his queen have had this massive interest in Humpty Dumpty as little more than a curiosity.

So, when Humpty Dumpty fell, all the king's horses and all the king's men came rushing; the queen had lost her amusement, the king is furious, for there is no more an Humpty Dumpty to focus his anger upon, and so rushed the men, on their horses, in an attempt to pick-up the pieces.

The sad bit is that ..

All the King's Horses ..

And All the King's Men ..

Couldn't Put Humpty Together Again.

He's been shattered, and what's done is done ..

QED.

I WISH

I wish I could say I hate you

I wish I could forget all about you

I wish I could run away from the shadow of your your eyes

But the harder I run, the more eyes I look into, the harder I try to forget about you, the more I punish myself, in every pair of eyes, in every pair of heavenly breasts, in every kiss, in every taste, of every lips, there is only one woman, and that woman is you.

I curse myself a million times every slow, painful hour of every day, to the point of damnation, to the point of blasphemy, to the point of utter degradation, and in her desperation, my soul seeks absolution in no other arms but yours.  My body seeks refuge in no other body than yours; my manhood can be in no other female than you. You are in them all. In all the blonds and all the redheads and all the brunettes and all the young budding flowers, in all the mature roses, in every leaf and every breeze and every smile and every sigh and every tear drop and every miserable morning and moan and every laughter and every smile, all not my own, all falling on a numb soul.

I wish I could say you are gone .. I wish I could bring myself to abandon you and all hope with you ..

I wish ..

Then I remember, that there is no escaping the truth with a lie, and that truth, my one, is that I love you; with all my sins, and all my mistakes and all my contradictions, I love you, and there is no escaping that and no lying my way out of it, and the only sadness that is greater than all of this, is knowing that you are crying deep down and I am not there to wipe your tears.

QED.