The further one goes ..

There's been this thought that's troubling me for a long time now.  Little did I know that Master Lao had a view on my strife.

The thought simply centres around the question of how much or, more precisely what sort of, knowledge one accumulates, the farther one travels?

Is it a case of gathering more knowledge and understanding the more you travel? the more people that cross your paths during your travels, long distance, overseas travel? does one really get satisfaction and knowledge by travelling further afield? by venturing far and wide? or is there a different angle on what seems like a triviality?

This morning's been nothing special so far.  A bit heavier than usual, in fact.  It's raining, and the weather has been miserable in Minsk all night last night  and this morning too.  Nothing too unusual about pulling a book, reading a little, being frustrated with it, and tossing it aside.  
Too lazy to make tea or grab a bite to eat.  I keep thinking of all the things I have to do,  this thought that has been with me months now, and, goes without saying, of her, every second.


And I ask myself, again and again, travelled the world over (almost) several times.  Seen some amazing people, customs, ways of trade, traditions ...etc.  Have I really expanded my knowledge base? am I any more knowledgeable or, Heaven forbid, any wiser?!


Then I see a possible answer in one of master Lao's teachings, and it kind of makes sense, though I don't wholeheartedly agree with it:  "The further one goes, the less one knows".  In a way, he is right, and who am I to question the pillar and post of Taoism?.  But in many ways, he himself teaches that knowledge is within, and fawning is what knowledge does.  An endless cycle of accumulated, re-cycled knowledge - the cycle of Zen.

True, the further one travels, the less one knows.  Though is this not the very basis of seeking knowledge, and therefore acquiring new knowledge by venturing into spaces that one hardly  knows?


In a very small and very silly and very twisted way, I see his teaching in you my one.  The further I travel into this seemingly simple case of outrageous love, the more I am lost and can't find a way back.

Once, I was told that someone who loves you doesn't seek you in their time of idleness, but in times when they are so preoccupied with work, the daily life, their strife ...etc.  The rationale is that this goes to show that you actually occupy a space within their life and daily routine that is so important, that they actually go and seek you prima facie and by default, no matter how busy or preoccupied they are, without needing to find place in time and space to dot it because you are in that time and place any way.

I know you do in my time, space, life and very fabric of my being, that I actually take the time to seek you irrespective of where we both maybe, how much struggle and sadness I carry around, whether or not you will respond, or the kind of load I carry on my shoulders in this crazy life.


And that, my one, is why I will forever be confused as to what it is you feel towards us both.

the less one knows ..


QED.

An Enquiry into Values ..

"And what is good, Phædrus? And what is not good ... Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?"

This is a place-holder for a blog post I'm writing off-line.  It is to do with a book by one Robert Pirsig, and his magnificent Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance - an enquiry into Values.  

Now before anyone jumps into conclusions, neither the book, the author nor yours truly has anything to do with motorcycle maintenance, or the legendary school of Zen - the mechanical and Buddhist aspects that is, and everything to do with an altogether different undertaking, namely, an enquiry into values, and the title of the book could not be more eluding, nor more befitting at the same time.  Hardly surprising coming from a man like Pirsig.


One day, I'll finish the topic; One day very soon; For I have not liked, nor connected with any of the commonly accepted, and somewhat shallow, critiques of this one-of work, and neither, I would suspect, has Pirsig himself.



And one day .. before I die, I will take my Adil on a similar journey .. where it will take us, where we arrive and who we are seeking, however, is an altogether different story.


So watch this space for a Qud Erat Demonstradum soon ..

The Search ..

Everywhere.  Very specifically, in everyone.  Every face and every gaze.  Every pair of glowing eyes and breathllessly divine smiles.  In the soft voices of young people saying sweet words to each other.  In the loving looks of grandmothers insisting on speaking Russian to me, even though I hardly understand this romantic language.  In everyone's footsteps; the ticks of high-healed, outrageously feminine women all around me.  Deep in my soul; my very being.  In the beats of my heart.  In heavy breaths entering my troubled chest, as if by force; as if knowing how indifferent I am to living or dying ..

In all of these I search for you my one.  Failing every time.  Hopelessly retrying every time .. and so will it be .. so it has been .. and so it will always be.

QED.