I WISH

I wish I could say I hate you

I wish I could forget all about you

I wish I could run away from the shadow of your your eyes

But the harder I run, the more eyes I look into, the harder I try to forget about you, the more I punish myself, in every pair of eyes, in every pair of heavenly breasts, in every kiss, in every taste, of every lips, there is only one woman, and that woman is you.

I curse myself a million times every slow, painful hour of every day, to the point of damnation, to the point of blasphemy, to the point of utter degradation, and in her desperation, my soul seeks absolution in no other arms but yours.  My body seeks refuge in no other body than yours; my manhood can be in no other female than you. You are in them all. In all the blonds and all the redheads and all the brunettes and all the young budding flowers, in all the mature roses, in every leaf and every breeze and every smile and every sigh and every tear drop and every miserable morning and moan and every laughter and every smile, all not my own, all falling on a numb soul.

I wish I could say you are gone .. I wish I could bring myself to abandon you and all hope with you ..

I wish ..

Then I remember, that there is no escaping the truth with a lie, and that truth, my one, is that I love you; with all my sins, and all my mistakes and all my contradictions, I love you, and there is no escaping that and no lying my way out of it, and the only sadness that is greater than all of this, is knowing that you are crying deep down and I am not there to wipe your tears.

QED.